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Feelings and Moods at the Drawing Table
19 October 2016, LIFE STYLE

I keep saying, and being proud while doing it, that I am the kind of artist that reaches the best of the creative process when happy. And as I go along with my art, describing in illustrations and designs, my feelings, I got used to acknowledging them, peacefully looking at them and accepting their flow. It’s a nice process, being in peace with the most undesirable feelings, and instead of pushing them away, looking them straight in the eyes and asking them if they’d like to sit down for a tea and talk. Today I feel I miss somebody. I feel lonely, longing, questioning, trying to cope with useless hope, hoping to move on; I feel scared to walk alone again, afraid I’m not good enough, sad that I see my dream not becoming reality. And then I wake up from this vortex and I decide to invite my “Missing” for a talk, as I don’t know how to picture it, in which colours to portray it. While staring at my today’s feeling, it is only now that I see the truth beneath. When I miss you, it is actually my own illusion of happiness that I miss. My illusion of happiness is so beautiful, so coloured, so filled with smiles, of course missing it leaves a dry reality behind. But darling, it has nothing to do with you; and you have nothing to do with it. It is just a funny coincidence, like in an abstract movie, that made illusion and reality look like one and the same thing. Now I know I do envision my future collections, my business plan, my personal happiness, my future home, and I do fall in love with my own visions so that I get attached to the illusion of perfection. So I smile and go back at my drawing table, moving on with a beautiful order for a nude painting. Haven`t done this subject in ages, I just booked a model and I am so looking forward to working on it. It’s evening and I can`t wait for tomorrow to start.

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